TAU '08 Blog

Kung gakaentertain kamo sa mga green jokes, better read this..

Hmm.. Ako gabasa sina?
Hehe.. Actually random na kay wala ko may maubra..
Naupod lang xa sa mga jokes nga ginabasa ko..


1. Ambot weird,, but i find it so true.. Mejo boring galing.. hehe..

Kissing a Lady's forehead is Respect
Lips is...Love
Breasts is...Loyalty
Feet is....Heroism
Vagina is...Patriotism
And kissing her ass**** is...
The Greatest Act of Bravery

2. Funny ni.. Cool..

A DJ had a popular "knock knock" show in which listeners call in each week with their own knock-knock jokes. One night, a drunk calls in with:
Drunk: "Knock Knock."
DJ: "Who’s there?"
Drunk: "Uncle." slurred.
DJ: "Uncle who?"
Drunk: "Uncle (Ah go) f**k yourself!"
The DJ is outraged, especially because the FCC fines him $5,000 for allowing the f-word to be broadcast. He then buys an expensive software program with every knock knock joke ever conceived to make sure the problem does not happen again. On the very first night, another drunk calls in.
"Knock knock."
"Who’s there?"
"Peas and carrots."
Immediately the DJ inputs "peas and carrots into the computer, and after noticing there are no dirty peas and carrots jokes, says, "peas and carrots who?" to which the drunk replies: "Ah go f**k yourself!"

3. Funny.. So true for masochists..

Two masochists had just left the Den of Pain. "That was the best session my Mistress ever gave me. She beat my back til it bled and then squished my b***s in a vice." "Mine was even better," said the other. "She beat me, squished my b***s, AND stuck needles in my d**k." Just then the two masochists saw two gay guys holding hands. They shook their heads and said, "That’s disgusting!"

4. Hmm.. so so..

There was a cowboy and a baptist minister riding on a plane. The flight attendant came up to the cowboy and asked sir would you like something to drink? perhaps a softdrink, juice, or how about a nice ice cold beer! The cowboy then said "why yes mam an ice cold beer sure would go down right smooth i reckon." then she turned to the baptist minister and said how about you pastor would you like a beer also, to that the baptist minister said "mam I would rather be stripped naked, beaten, and ridden by a whore! Than to allow the juice of sin to touch my lips! The cowboy then said mam you can have my beer back I didn’t realize there was a second option!

5. Wala pulos..

So three men are drinking in a car. They get pulled over by a female cop, who comes up to the side window. They roll down the window, and she says "I’ll let you three go free if you all together add up to 21 inches." So the driver pulls his pants down. 10 inches. The man in the passenger seat pulls his pants down. 10 inches. The man in the back seat pulls his pants down, and he’s only one measly inch. However, they do in fact add up to 21 inches so they get to go free. As they’re driving down the road the man with the one inch dick says "THANK GOD I POPPED A BONER BACK THERE GUYS!!!!"

6. Alam.. Alam.. XD

At the beginning of term, a professor tells his class that none of them will pass. The three that come the closest at the end of term, will get another chance to pass. So sure enough at the end of term, no one passes.
At the end of the day the professor tells the three to come to class the next day dressed as an emotion. If he guesses the emotion they flunk,
If not they pass with great scores.

So the next day the first students arrive, The first one, a Caucasian enters the room. He dressed all in green, the prof. says "You green with envy,
so sorry but you flunk."
The next guy, a African-American, comes in dressed all in red. The prof says
"Your red with anger, better luck next time."
The last guy, a Hispanic guy, walks in, and the professor is stunned.
The man is buck naked with a hard on and a pear tied to the end,
The prof says" OK you pass, but please tell me what are you supposed to be."
The guy say" Can’t you see, I f*cking dis pear!"

7. What the hell?

A nurse was preparing the body of a handsom young man for his autopsy when she noticed he had died with a huge erection. She did the best she could to work around it but found herself becoming aroused by his huge erect c*ck.

After much thought she slid off her underwear and mounted the corpse and rode his erected penis. She was getting really hot and into it and began moaning loudly. This caught the attention of the head nurse. She walked into the room and to her horror found her subordinate having sex with the corpse.

"What the hell are you doing?" she exclaimed

The nurse jumped off the body quickly and stammered.

"I was taking advantage of the situation. You should try it yourself."

The head nurse flustered blurted out.

"I couldnt do that, it’s immoral."

"Come on try it."

"Really I couldnt. Besides, I’m having my period."

"I wont tell if you wont."

After a moment she smiles and mounts the man’s hard member and starts riding. As she reaches climax the man’s eyes pop open and he gasps for breath. The head nurse jumps off scared out of her mind.

"I....I thought you were dead." She proclaims.

The man smiles and replies, I was but i needed a blood transfusion..... Thanks."

8. Haha.. Opportunist..

One day there was a poor little girl. Her mother didn’t have any money to buy her underwear. One day the little girl was wearing a little dress and playing up in a tree. A priest walked by and looked up, concerned he called the little girl down and said: "Little girl take this $100 and go buy you some new underwear and a pretty dress."

The little girl ran home and told her mother what happened.
Seizing the opportunity, the next day the mother was up in the tree without any underwear.
The priest walked by and called her down and said:
"Here’s $2 go and buy yourself some razors!"

9. Tanga tanga..

An older Jewish man who was a long-time widower decided to remarry. Because he was quite well off , there were several young ladies in his village who were interested. He settled on the youngest and prettiest one. On their wedding night, however, the man had problems “pleasing” his new wife. Despite all the efforts he made—and they weren’t bad for an old man—his pretty, young wife just lay there as if nothing was happening. Perplexed and saddened, the next day the old man went to see his rabbi. “Rabbi,” he said, “As much as a I try, I cannot please my new wife in bed. What should I do?” The rabbi pondered the question for a moment and then came up with this solution. “Tonight, have my son come to your house while you’re in bed with your wife, and have him wave this holy towel over both of you.” The old man agreed and took the
towel the rabbi gave him. That night, just as the old man and his wife were getting into bed, the rabbi’s son arrived. The old man immediately got to work on his wife. Meanwhile, the rabbi’s son did as he was instructed, and waved the towel over both of them. But it was to no avail. In spite of all the work the old man went to, and in spite of the holy towel, his pretty, young wife just
lay there, exactly as the night before, as unresponsive as a log. After some time, sweating and exhausted, the old man turned to the rabbi’s son who was still waving the towel above him. “Give me that towel,” he said “and you take my place!” And so that is what they did. They switched places, with the rabbi’s son going to work on the old man’s wife, while the old man waved the towel above them. Well, it didn’t take long for the old man’s wife’s attitude to change. Soon she was wailing and hollering with pleasure, as the rabbi’s son pounded away at her. And as the old man waved the towel above them he said, “ You see? This is the way to wave
a towel!”

10. Mu man lang to gali.. hehe..

A family Doctor got a call from a frantic woman in the middle of the night, “Doctor; come quick! My son swallows a condom”. The Doctor replied, “ I’ll be there in few minutes”
　　
While the doctor was getting dress, the women call again. “ Doctor, you don’t have to come now” The Doctor asks “Way? Did he vomit the condom out?”
　　
“No” the woman said, “ My husband found another one”.

11. What's with the chicken?

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that says "$20 for a good time." The man says "okay" and goes up to the bartender. "I’d like to have a good time," he says and pays the bartender $20. The bartender says, "walk through that door in the back and it will be on the first door to your left." So the man walks through the door and into the next and finds a giant chicken. So he says what the hell," and fucks the chicken. A week later the man walks into the same bar and sees another sign put up that says, "$40 for a really good time." So he goes up to the bartender, pays $40 and the bartender says "go through the door in the back, up the flight of stairs and it will be the first door on your left." So he walks through the door, up the flight of stairs and enters the room on the left and finds a group of people looking at the floor. As he gets closer he sees two people having sex. He says "This is awesome!!!" The guy next to him turns and says yeah, you should’ve been here last week, some guy was fucking a chicken.

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Hmm.. Boring.. Boring gid di ya sa balay..
Hehe.. mayu lang may internet.. hehe..